So with everything in my life being at a complete standstill I couldn’t help but come here and read the things that people have posted and i have to say that i am truely inspired to do the thing that i want most in life and that is to write about the things in my life that are important to me and put them for others to read. I may get no views or an infinite amount of views but either way I’m doing what i want and saying what i want too and obviously never using any kind of punctuation lol .  So welcome to my first blog ever and i hope that you will enjoy it… My first Blog will have to be about the biggest issue in my life at this time.. and im sure ill find some more along the way but hey here is hoping this helps someone.

So in this story we will do what usually always happens and start at the Beginning..

It’s 2003 and I am in school the class clown always loving to make people laugh because that is what makes me feel the happiest it was just the same as any other school day and then i went to a friends house hung out for a while talking about the same thing that all 16 year old boys talk about… Women… I had dinner at his house and walked home and then around 1:30 am i woke up with incredible pain in my stomach.. I went to the ER with my parents and they immediatley prepped me for surgery stating that it was clearly an inflamed appendix but just as they were about to wheel me down the nurse came in saying my white blood cell count was to high for that to be possible. So after many surgeries It was found out that i was born with  a defect in my stomach lining and would be on medication for the rest of my life to ease said pain. Well after a while i stopped taking it and i went through the rest of my high school career Sober at the time i didn’t really like the feeling of the drugs it meant i was dependent on something and i just didnt care for that.. What teenager is honestly… So then we get to a tumor that was growing around my spinal cord and the pain it caused me was great indeed and so they went in and took it out cutting 4 inches wide 6 inches long and all the way to the spine exposing it to the air… I started taking my meds like i was supposed to but i was taken away from the thing at the time that i loved most.. being around my friends and at school hanging out ( stupid i know but hey i was a kid ) for months i was hooked to a machine called a ” Wound-Vac” and it was basically a spongey material that had a hose connected to it which in turn was connected to a machine that sucked all the blood and dead tissue from my wound and also cut my healing time in half but the damage was done i was still away from what i loved for months and i couldn’t handle it and as the months went on I realized i started taking my prescription drugs without needing them.. at least not for pain… Depression that put me in such a dark place that the only outlet were my pain killers.. I figured it was ok because they were prescribed right..?? Step one and two of addiction complete.. I went everywhere i could to find what i needed spent all the money i had to get my fix Step three check… Here i am 18 years old and at the start of my life and i was already ending it… I became so depressed at the person that i had become that i could not go on with life anymore and so i went into the hospital and stayed on watch for five days until the deamed me just a sad teen with a coming of Age crisis… I was given medication to turn me into a zombie both awake and asleep… After a while i started to feel like myself again actually happy and so i figured that i didnt need them anymore and instead of depression anger set in.. I fought with my parents non-stop i secluded myself away from my friends and talked to no one even my best friend Jarrett couldn’t get to me i wanted nothing to do with anyone… It was such a dark time in my life that even now i have knots in my stomach even typing this out for others to see and sadly this would not be the darkest time in my life.. To stop the fighting i moved into my sister’s house who lives 12 hours away to escape everything that I could not face.. For 2 years i stayed in North Carolina and i was drug free but i started drinking and by drinking i mean i should be a fish by now or have no liver function what so ever.. All this i hid from my sister brother-in-law and my neice and worked worked worked to keep my mind off of who i was and what i was doing to myself i started taking Energy pills by the handfull by the hour to stay awake working 20 hours a day sleep for 3 hours and go do it all again… The phone never stopped ringing employees calling every five minutes so i would down a bottle of wine or a case of beer or whatever alcoholic beverage i could get ahold of… I visited home for Christmas and decided to stay and then i stepped in to take care of my Grandmother for the last six months of her life who was dying of Alzheimer’s and dementia and things got very bad but i held on and kept going until the morning after the whole family came to see her and she went to be with God on July 4th at 1:18 am… I then went to work for a major cellular phone company as a customer service representative and the environment there was hey have a problem or too stressed out take this little pill and your worries will go away. So hey Yep i did it… and for a while everything was great… After 2 years i left that job and began taking care of my grandfather who was diagnosed with the same thing my grandmother passed away from and i did that for a couple years until i could not do it anymore i started abusing drugs again heavily at this point i didnt care who was who what was what or anything else on this earth all i cared about was being high so i didnt have to feel this way anymore I stole money i stole pain killers i lied i cheated i did it all to strangers to family and friends until i could not live with myself anymore i could not stop taking drugs i could not and would not i did not WANT to stop… but i knew i had to i could not even look at my reflection in the mirror… I called my parents and told them what was going on that i couldnt do it anymore and that i needed help.. Both my parents showed up and took me home and we got in touch with a Christian Rehab facility…SO the rehab adventure starts and i met some characters beleive me… I made friends there and i made family a few of them i will consider brothers until the day i die… I will say this it was not the facility that helped me It was God and it was my brothers… I am actually happy with my life even with my standstill opinion earlier.. Now at this point with the people that graduated rehab with me and around the time that i did so many have fallen already and it is disheartening but i pray to God that i never go back to that place in my life where darkness was so strong that only the light of God could find me… So with that behind me i stay in touch with my brothers and still attend graduation to the ones who have not graduated yet for support to them in case they need it… It has been exactly a month today since i have been home and I’m still not sure what i want to be or what i want to do with my life but im still sober and the realization that i know where i DON’T EVER want my life to be ever again so that’s something right lol… Well this entry is coming to an end and i hope this helps anyone going through the same thing just know that all you need to do is simply ask for help and if you have no one in your life to ask for help or you feel ashamed of what you are doing or what you’ve done then just ask me i will always offer a helping word or a helping hand in any way that i can..

This has been the True Testimony of a Recovering Addict and the Recovery is still happening 🙂 God Bless